"I JUST WANT IT OVER"

A misunderstanding escalates into an argument. An argument intensifies into a dispute. A dispute crescendos into a conflict. A conflict explodes into a fight, a fight filled with hurt, pain, fear, and anger. There may even be a deep well of sadness.

At some point in life each of us is going to have times when this escalation has painted us into a corner and we do not know where to turn. We are trapped by the positions we have taken. We are also trapped by the positions the other has taken. The fight is nearing the point of being set in concrete, the point when nothing can move or change. It is at this point, that our society says, "Take him to court." It often appears that divorce is the only alternative.

As ridiculous as it may sound to some, it might be better to talk more rather than going to court. This is counter-intuitive. "We have talked and look where it has gotten us!" The situation may be that the arguing has not been conducive to resolving the problem. It may be that the conversation has become so intense that neither can hear the other.

This escalation may take place in marriages and the intensity drives them to divorce. The past arguments are now a backlog of ammunition to hurt each other to get the best deal in the divorce. Moves and counter-moves are made to gain the best advantage. Tragically, the battle may use children as chess pieces in this game, couched in the words, "in the best interest of the children." The divorcing partners may not even recognize this attempt to win but it is nevertheless often present.

No matter how intense the emotions of divorce, most reach the point when they utter the words, "I just want it over." Anger, pain, and hurt are likely still present but weariness has arrived.

Anywhere in this process, an option for people caught in the pain of conflict is divorce mediation. It is the place to talk – with the help of someone who is not caught up in the past, who is not emotionally involved, and who is intensely interested in helping you work out an agreement.

Divorce mediation is truly the opportunity to fulfill the hope that "it can be over."

by Penney F. Nichols, Mediator
West Valley Mediation Center - Dispute Resolution and Conflict Education Services for Glendale, Peoria, Surprise, Sun City, Avondale, Goodyear, Phoenix, Arizona